Hello Love!

A man runs his hand along your back while you are sitting in a cafe together, it sends shivers down your spine. You didn’t even remember that such a simple touch could induce so much pleasure. You want more. Your body is yearning to be touched.
His next touch, gently removing the hair from the side of your neck is even more delicious. His fingertips gently caressing the curve of your bare shoulder. His lips gently brush the side of your neck, just below your ear and he tells you how wonderful you smell.

Now have you ever made wrong decisions from this space? Went too fast? Went with the wrong man? Your touch-deprived body going off like a flare gun? Please more?

Depriving ourselves of touch doesn’t only have possible negative consequences on our choices while we are dating, looking for that very special man. It also has definite detrimental effects on our health, our mood, hormones, stress levels and so on.

Watch this weeks Sassy Saturday Vlog to learn what is going on and what you can do about it:

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Transript of the Vlog:

Welcome ladies!

Today I want to talk to you about how you’re loving your body!

There is a lot of talk out there saying and asking “Are you in love with your body?”
“Are you shaming your body?”
“What is your self-talk with your body?”

There is so much advice around how to mentally and emotionally treat your body.
I am all for that, but I find there is a very central piece missing. And that is the physical plane.

We are physical beings and we exist in this material plane. We are not only thoughts and we are not only emotions, we are also body and more.

I want to talk to you today about how you can love your body physically and whether you are doing so enough.

One of the big questions I want to ask you is: “Are you being touched enough?”

This is a subject that is very, very close to my heart, because I am also a massage therapist and physical therapist so I know all about the body.  I also know of a thing that is called Skin Hunger- which is when you are actually deprived of touch.

There was a very awful experiment conducted I think in Russia (it was actually Romania) around the 1980’s, where they actually tested on orphaned babies how they fair if they were only fed, with no physical comforting, no physical touch, no caressing, nothing. They all developed very, very strong disabilities, some even died.

So physical touch is so essential to us as human beings as well as to animals. In another, (Please excuse all the awful experiments!) they actually gave the choice to an orphaned baby monkey whether he would choose a surrogate mother who would give him milk but no affection (a metal construct, very cold,very hard) or whether he would choose the soft surrogate mother. Again this too was not a real surrogate mother but a construct with fur which it was warm and would even be able to hug him I believe. The monkey chose over his need for food, to go with the warm, comforting, touching mother surrogate. This again depicts how essential touch is with us.

What I feel happens a lot with us women, and has happened to me as well as my clients, that if you are single for a long time and somebody comes along and they are nice and you start getting physical with them, that you so much enjoy it and you realise, wow, my body is really hungry for this physical affection! For just being caressed, being held, yes sexual intimacy also but its not really only about that at all. It’s really about having something, somebody touching you! It’s really not only about sex at all!

What happens then, a lot of the time, is that suddenly all our standards, our lists, our must-haves, they all go out the window. We suddenly become super attached and focused on this one person who may seem OK, but you actually don’t know that yet. You get attached a lot quicker and likely without much thought, without really investigating your feelings and without really giving things time to grow and flourish. You latch onto this man without even knowing, does he fulfil you in other ways that are super important to you? Suddenly you may find yourself in this instant relationship where you didn’t even want to be.
Or maybe you get more intimate with that person a lot faster than you actually intend to do.
Or that you know you feel safe to open up and when you feel safe to show yourself and show your body, to really open up.

For us women especially, the sexual act is really an opening up and letting in, so I find it important to have a look at who are we letting in!  Who are we allowing into our holy space, as well as our physical space.

Skin-hunger may come as a surprise to many of us women! We don’t even notice we have it, until somebody suddenly comes along and gives us that which has been missing.

It’s not like we feel desperate! We’re super happy on our own, we’re looking for love but it’s fine to be in this space of aloneness at the moment. Then suddenly something takes over your whole body, your hormones they all go crazy and you don’t even recognise yourself sometimes anymore.

This is really a risk because you might end up in a relationship with somebody who is not suitable for you at all. You might end up being intimate with somebody who you were not ready to be intimate with, because your body is thirsty for touch.

I would like to share with you two ways that you can actually forgo this and also to avoid having this skin hunger in the first place.

There is not only the risk of things happening once you get your skin hunger satisfied but there is also the enjoyment of life which is missing at some point and you don’t even notice.

I want you to love your body physically! This is really about getting in touch with your body. If you have a bathtub, I love doing that in the bathtub, to really just stroke my body with no intention. There is no intention to have a sexual session with myself or to masturbate or anything like that. It’s really a touch without intention. And that is also something a lot of us women desire from our men. A lot of my clients also have been frustrated in the past with this subject in their relationships, as well as me. That an intimate touch or a kiss often has to lead to more and it really doesn’t! Same goes with being with yourself.

So really touch yourself with no intention and you could even say I love you, I love you, I love you and really enjoy the contours of your body, also touching the parts that are intimate so that they just become normal.

One funny story about myself: Some time ago I started using a very natural deodorant which is mixed by this lady and it’s super yummy. This deodorant is in a little tub so I have to actually to put my finger in, put a little bit on my finger and then spread it on my underarms.

That’s when I realised, oh hold on a moment, I’ve never actually really touched my underarms very much! So that’s a whole body part of myself that I have totally neglected. Until this point I did not give that part of my body any attention whatsoever! It happens to be a lovely, lovely part to touch. Just an example how you should really include all parts of your body in your love ritual.

I actually like to set aside time. I have a daily ritual that I do for my body and then also once or twice a week I will give more time to really indulge and really, really enjoy my body. If the touching leads to more and you suddenly feel like “oh my god I wanna make love to myself!” then that’s also totally fine! Feel free to do that, but there is not that goal-setting intention behind that you want to do anything.

Also with that I want to encourage you to really be patient. If you are not used to this, it might feel awkward at first, it might feel weird, it might not even feel really nice. So really be patient and keep going.

There was a love experiment (I am also really into science) that I really enjoyed. It was that by imagining beautiful sexual experiences and stroking the underarm at the same time, they were actually able to condition this part of their body to cause orgasms. It’s really a conditioning and a getting used to.

I am not trying to tell you to cause orgasms by touching all of your body. As I said, no intention. But give it some time to actually feel nice and to feel natural and to feel appreciative and really imagine or maybe remember. I hope you remember how it feels to touch a lover with all of your heart and just giving all your love into that touch, unable to stop touching them. To have that same experience with yourself, with your own body, to really give yourself time to start to be able to develop these feelings physically and emotionally towards your own body.

Your body will thank you and you will also be in a very different love vibration towards yourself, with which you can then attract in a really loving, very physically appreciative partner into your life.

Keep experimenting! Maybe you want to take something to touch yourself with, maybe a feather or a cloth or something like that. Really have a look what you would like. Maybe hot stones on your body to help you relax, a bath, lovely scents. Really love your body physically.

Secondly, you can of course get touch elsewhere as well. You can get touch from your friends and family for example!  I am a big fan of the ‘at least 20 seconds hug’. This hug is, again scientifically proven, to start excreting positive hormones such as serotonin, dopamine and all the other lovely hormones that also lower your stress levels. So really get hugging with your friends and family.

There are other ways to get touch. For example you could book yourself a massage. Really find somebody who you feel comfortable with, as this is really the most important prerequisite to enjoying a massage. You should feel comfortable with them!

Experiment with different pressures, maybe you could tell them today you would like a light massage, today you want a strong massage, you want a mixed massage and really see what does your body love.

So go out there and give your body that which it is thirsty for.

This skin hunger is really, really prevalent in our society today. We hardly touch anybody anymore, we are often behind the computer or behind the phone and so on.

Just recently I watched a series (I love series!) where they actually explore certain social issues in a fun and enlightening way. It was said in this series, that in some schools in North America there is a no-hugging-policy. So the kids are not allowed to hug each other and the teachers are not allowed to hug the kids.

This rule was also put in place for several places of work and is there to avoid sexual harassment. I totally totally get that this is a huge subject BUT this deprivation of touch, the depression and the skin hunger and all the symptoms that this causes is really another subject all together as well.

So, get in touch with your body and let other people touch your body!

Have fun beauty!

I wish you a beautiful day ladies, lot’s of love and lots of amazing men to fall in love with!

Devi

 

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